Friday, March 7, 2014

Pity pity...

Sometimes I pity myself. When I fight, when I cry and when I am misunderstood. Life is not a bed full of roses. If there are happiness there must be sorrow behind. And if there is suffering there will also be salvation coming next to it. I used to think that those poor things are not required to live the life. It makes us sad and miserable and in some moments of desperation some breaks the hell loose, some stands against it. It took me years to realize that unless I feel sad my embrace towards happiness will not be so strong and pure. Unless I have suffered I will not realize how blessed I am to be loved, to be cared of and have a happy life.
Today is the day that I pity myself again. Nope...I am not sad. I am not suffering also. But I am angry with myself. I am angry because I fought with my mother today. Why...I am not going to tell. But I fought with her. While I am feeling that I was right during the conversation she was thinking the same too. Then how two persons being right can fight over the same subject unless one is wrong??? I don't know how I am going to deal with it or strike another happy conversation with her but I am sure I will come up with something.
We don't live in the same house anymore and there is only some skype calls that maintains our connection now. And I feel so so helpless.
And in this situation sometimes I realize that I have an ego which constantly holds my back while I try to bend towards her. Still have to work out with my anger and still have to go a long way before I can tame my ego. And until then I hope I can try to do my best in loving everyone who cares for me, and whom I care because no matter how much angry we are and how hard the ego holds my back I can always count on my love for them.

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