Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Lingering afternoons

Today the sky was pouring in the noon. The gentle fresh dewy air breezed over my face as I lay in the bed reading one of the Ruskin Bond book. I love Ruskin Bond. I find his love for the mountain exceptionally different and the portray of his feelings are poetic yet fresh and in simple phrases.
I am not a writer..neither I intend to be. I am very poor in portraying my feelings. This you can say my day day record of my own life. Here I can write everything. From nasty hatred feelings for some one to write about my innermost hidden desired.
I have gained weight recently and trust me I am not any inch close to those skinny beauties and I am really happy with myself. I love me the way I am. But everyone around me likes to be skinny. But I give a damn to them!! So...sometimes I also get morally depressed and start to think like everyone else. The ultimate desire of everyone is how to get a size zero waist line???sob..sob...that's a far cry...but recently I thought a lot..as I was no where in love with my fat oversize arms and belly. So I decided to loose them. But there is a very distinct thought. I have started doing exercises and eating less street food to just loose fat. Otherwise I am head over hills over myself. I may not be the skinniest one. I may not be very glamorous and can sport shorts and tee very stylishly but this is what make me. And I love the the person I am and I am in no way to loose it for any one.
This is not a lecture post on how to loose your weight or why you should loose it. Its just I came to realize there's no harm in being not skinny but if you have fat it can lead to lots of problem. So its always a wise choice to loose them...:) and I have made it!! Recently I am having problems with walking long distances, climbing the roof top. The most irritating part is my favorite clothes no longer fit  me..:( So to satisfy me in all sphere and aspect I have decided to loose the fat...mind it I am not intending to loose my weight!!:)
I don't know why I am writing this post may be I had to clear it to myself that why I am doing all these. I was a little disappointed after listening to a remark from one of my family member. She might have said it for my own good but people do not understand that their words can have a lot of effect over others. So being discouraged I started to think how should I loose my weight. Then one evening I started to do skipping and doing it continuously for some morning I really understood the effect of exercise. I feel fresh in the morning now. Earlier I always used to doze off....but that is mostly gone now. May be I have taken the decision in a bad motive....but I rectified it. And I want to keep it up.

Saturday, July 20, 2013


I think animals are more pure and distinctive and pure in expressing their love in which man gets itself more complicated and ruthless and unlawful. These days the purity of love is lost in the passion of lust. I see the dogs, the cats..I read about the other animals. And I see them being blessed. There is no hiding no back stabbing and nothing like playing with others soul and emotion. But man...being the superior of all has mastered in all these arts.
Why can't a man be truthful??Why can't he express what he actually has in his mind as well as heart. Life has become so confusing...understanding anyone is like solving a Rubik's cube. No matter what you do it has become almost next to impossible. Even the eyes tell lies these days...what am I supposed to believe?? The lies..or the truths that I get to know from the expressions or what I understand by my heart?
My mind says that I should listen to my heart but my heart loves to be fooled by the expressive desires...!!
But finally I have came to this conclusion that all these heart, love and romanticism...they do not exist in this mortal world. All theses fairy tales that we grow up listening...is nothing but a bullshit hide out for this crunchy and yet heart scorching truth that boys are incapable of feeling love. Specially husbands...these specific species..desires every women on this earth except their wives.All they want is s*x...s*x and only and lots of s*x!!Why is it that...wives get treated like washrooms??Can't the expect a little respect from anyone??

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Day to day...going on

Its half past mid night. I had some video chat with Subrata and then started reading Lolita..Why is the night so speechless??Whenever I don't feel sleepy I just lay awake and think upside down of this world. What should I do..what I should not. There are a lot of thing to think..that I just use to kill those time...so that when the sky starts turning blue....and when the first crow caws....I can think...ohh...its morning again and I did not sleep at all!! Do you do this kind of awkward things??
In this late night I can remember the story of one of my friend. Its a story of a boy and a girl and yes its a love story. This is the story of Indra and Ruchi. It was some 4 years ago that they started their relationship. For her..he was the start and end of this world but for him there was no commitment...no word of marriage. He was a traveller he was a dreamer and to him commitments always hold him back. He wanted to live free..he wanted to come home and see the smiling faces of their loved ones...but he did not want them to wait. For him one should never wait or waste a bit of their life for anyone.
But for Ruchi..who was brought up without her father..Indra kind of filled up the void in her life. She was very small when her father died...she has the idea of him...and in Indra she felt that the idea was taking into some shape. She loved to be pampered like a baby..she wanted to hold his hand when they were crossing the road. With him being beside her she knew that she was not alone...she loved to be dependent on him.
It was some one year back that Indra started mumbing about their relationship going no where. Listening all these she started crying, she clinged into him more than she should have. She thought she could hold him back with her love. But for some people know whaT they have to give up for what they want...and they have the ability to give up. Indra belonged to them.
So on one rainy evening he came to Ruchi's house just to say good buy. He told her that he needs to go. Ruchi being numb could not say anything only tears rolled from her eyes. Her cheeks grew red, her voice chocked down. But this time she let him go. She knew that every time it was only for her that Indra stayed back but not this time. She thought to test her love. Of course holding someone back will give her the mortal body but not the immortal soul. So she kissed him good bye. She told herself that she had to do that only to get him back forever. And this time if he come back...ever..then he will never leave her back.

Friday, July 12, 2013

An awkward suspense

Did I ever tell you that I am a student of masters??No??...Ok..then let me tell you that I am doing my M.Sc in Economics from Calcutta University and have given my second semester last month.
And now I am in huge pressure of thought that whether I will pass or not!! Its not the fact that I am not studious...I study a lot..but its the maths part in which I feel completely lost.It was all those mathematical derivation that took me away...I was starting but reaching no where..In the exam hall I was feeling like a joker...who has a memory but he does not know how to use..so he is just laughing at himself and watching others and literally crying inside!!Oh..that was a time...really...I don't know how I passed it. Now it's just a matter of time to see whether I was able to scribble something meaningful or all those were a just a child's play!!
So to make myself relieved and free from this tension I am dumping myself into books again.I love the smell of the books...the pages scribbled in black letters..its like a new world inviting me to have a bit of their taste and feel lost in them. I feel like the narrator or just sometime the invisible audience who is peeking through their every private moments and watching them closely. Analyzing them, judging them and at times living them itself..So I just finished buying some new books and I am feeling so sooo happy. Currently I am reading THE ENGLISH PATIENT and LOLITA. And I am ordering RIVER OF SMOKE, DELHI IS NOT FAR and LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. Phew!! I just want to have more..sometimes I just go crazy to see how many books are their left to complete, left to get a hold on.
Its really hot now in Kolkata..and sometimes it is just pouring itself down. Oh...I hate hate this sweaty summer. But sometimes it just amuses me to think that why..why on earth we humans have always this shitty problems. I see my kittens...they are living their life like a gentle cool breeze. Two of my kittens always sleep on my lap and they just doze off everytime. Sometimes they clung to my dress and climb on to chest and sniffs my face..my neck...and then goes back again in my lap. Is this how they caress me...or it is just the affection of being together for so long?? Subrata says that cats are very selfish..and at times I also can not deny this fact...but still I love them, I care for them..
Okk....its half past 2 now...I think I need to go to bathe now...as I have to have my lunch or else my grand mother will shout. So see yaa....have a nice day ahead!! I am also looking forward to have a nice one..

P.S. In case you want me to give my opinions about the books I read just let me know. I will be more than happy to help you in this matter.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Lots of new things

Phew...what a week I had!!First my laptop messed up and I came to know that the LCD is what that screwed itself up. Along came a huge bill to fill up from Lenovo. Then the speaker of my phone went to hell. Yes...you can call that. So another expenditure was coming along.
But this time I could replace it...yes replacing a phone always fasinates me. I get to play with a new one. Not that I am a very much gadget freak but who does not love shiny new things...I am just like those babies who are soo much attracted to shiny new toys. As a baby...or you can say when I was small there was little chance to get hold of new toys and barbies. May be that is the reason that I am now so much drawn towards new things. New suit?? I have to try them today..?? Phone has issues...come one..replace it!! The chain of the hand bag is not working?? Yay..!! Lets have a new one?? Yes...I become that much obsessed sometimes.
Anyways..lets come to present. So I was looking for a cheap android phone. I did not want to spend a lot of money on those high tech phones as this was going to be my first screen touch and smart phone...so I spent some 7000 bucks and got myself a samsung galaxy phone. Its okay...and I am pretty happy with its performance.
Now after paying all these bills I became bankrupt!!I did not have a single penny to spend on myself. But then...God came to my rescue. I don't know how..but my fiance sent me some money...as he said that he is sponsoring the phone. Oh...what a relief...Finally I was relieved and took rest from all the anxiety and went to sleep.:)
But the sound sleep did not last long!! Soon the day came when my sister is leaving for her hostel. At first when we were still in our childhood..as siblings there was not a thing that was common between us. We used to fight a lot and exchange of hot foul words were soo common between us. We lived in the same house but it seemed like we are so separate from each other. There were times when I thought we could never be sisters and will be strangers soon. But with time we started talking and most of the time they did not lead to hot debates any more. We started sharing secrets and we became best of the friends. Now that she is leaving for a long time...it is hurting a lot. I feel like...a part of mine is going away from me. And I have nothing to do. Anyways I am happy for her. I know she is feeling the same...but there are only a few months left before my marriage and there will be no one to guide me in my make up. She will not be here when I will be buying my Banarasi sari...she will not argue with me whether the movie that I am watching is good or not..Most of all I will miss the fighting between us. I will miss her a lot..
May be this is growing up...where we have to accept the pain for the goodness of our loved ones.