Thursday, August 22, 2013

Expect or not?

When you love someone and don't get that in return...or get almost nothing of what you expect, negative emotions start bumping on your head and heart to give you mental as well as physical setbacks so all you get is kind of an unstable life.
Earlier when I talked to the person whom I care and love I used to become so surprised that someone can actually conclude the entire conversation with a simple word "OK".  And I used to become so upset. I am not a very emotional girl but what I feel is true and what I do is truly from the heart. But then I start expecting that he will do the same or may be more for me. Will be always there when I will need him and will be my emotional support. Will understand me and my thoughts. Or do something for me when I am least expecting it. But as time passed on, which is only a few months to say I am realizing that from his point of view the relation is standing on the ground of necessity. He is there because he thinks that it is that point in his life when someone should be there in his life to take care. I can't see any kind of excitement, emotion from his side which used to kill me at some times back. I used to look into his eyes and tried to find out whether those eyes were trying to love me or not. So I tried and tried and I failed miserably every time. May be its my childish instinct which tries to get his attention but again is it wrong?? Actually it was my love for him which did not try to understand at first that there is no written or even invisible rule that when you love you should also be loved back!
I read in a lot of books that time is the best healer. But I don't agree with it. Time can't and it has never healed anything. It just makes us accostomed to live with the pain such that, one day, it will be as usual as any other thing or incident. It will be as usual as breathing where you will never notice it but there will always be that enormous dent in your heart. In you. What will remain are the shattered pieces of those awkward moments where I tried to cling on to someone and I was destined to fall.
That is what happened with me. His absence his indifference to me no longer gives me heart aches and I am happy with it. I no longer check my phone every five minutes and I started spending more time with my books and movies. And I can say yes I am happy.
I no longer want to be there, where I have spend lots of sleepless nights crying and sobbing. And there was no one to rub my tears off my face. I hate of the thought that I was even there at some point of time where I gave so much importance to someone who did not even bothered to look back at me and ask me if I was okay. So with time I let myself free of this captivating love and I realized that this is the best I have done for myself.

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